Back

So Im back up north in Ft. Lewis.

A bittersweet feeling.

Excited to get things back in motion

Sad to leave family behind

Scared for when he leaves

Happy to have a bigger place.

The boys are loving it! 

Probably because they have a yard lol

More space to run.

Its time..

Its time to be out here with my husband

and our boys.

After watching my big fat gypsy weddings

I didnt have it bad,

I was 19 when I married, and my family was still around

These girls marry at 16 and LEAVE their families.

Their husband rules their life.

I dont have it bad at all. 

My husband loves me and doesnt rule my world.

I am always allowed to see my family

Poor girls are just babies and leave their family!

Oh and they go straight into a trailer like the kind you camp in.

Now Im just rambling because Im tired...

Anyways,

Life is going on..

getting better

always going to be a work in progress..

but its worth working for :)

Love my lil rebuilt family :)

Troubles

Im not an angry person. 

It takes a lot to push me to that point.

And when I get there.... 

its hard to get out.

Im angry still about everything that happened between Charlie and I and when I least expect it, it creeps up on me and bam Im so pissed at him I could hit him! LOL.

I dont like being angry. Its an ugly emotion.

I dont like the way it makes me feel. The anger and then the hurt, and then the anger again. 

And sometimes I get that way when I am up in Ft. Lewis, when I see something and think "she was here" and when the twins are crawling on the ground(Charlie never vaccums I swear) and I find long dark hair that ISNT mine...that just grosses me out. Then I wonder, was that hers or some one elses...and my mind wanders.

I cant help it. I just get so caught up in my anger I stir up other things that probably arent true but I still wonder. He lied to me about her and stuff how do I know what he hasnt told me....

I cant think like this. 

I am reading "Love Dare" and it is an AMAZING book. About love and "how to" love :)

I think a LOT about Charlie while reading it. I love him like the book says...I have always loved him. But the forgiveness part is hard to do. Like a suuuper huge hill trying to ride a bike over with a thousand pounds on the back lol. 

But I can do it, for 3 reasons: I love him, I have faith, and I am strong for my boys.

Im not gonna let an ugly picture ruin my hard work NOPE but..it was a definatley a speed bump. :/

 I love Charlie Ford

Even when I want to punch him out 

;)

Trust....

Hard hard topic...

So since Charlie and I are working things out

We have a lot to rebuild.

One of those big things is

Trust

Its a huge major thing in any relationship

Especially marriage.

And our trust

GONE

He had another girlfriend for awhile, he hid things from me, 

and told me and my family stories.

So that just blew the trust out of the water(like up to space!)

Now, I'm trying my DAMNEDEST to keep it together

and not get too upset when he doesn't call back or at all

But I will say that my mind has a tendency to wander...

I cant say that its "not fair" because he deserves it.

He is the one that blew it all up...

So he has to get used to his wife being....skeptical

when he isn't spitting out whats going on. 

Sitting here at work...just trying to keep my head together.

He will be gone for a whole month.

NOT helping :-/

The things we go through for love

Sheesh!

:)