Troubles

Im not an angry person. 

It takes a lot to push me to that point.

And when I get there.... 

its hard to get out.

Im angry still about everything that happened between Charlie and I and when I least expect it, it creeps up on me and bam Im so pissed at him I could hit him! LOL.

I dont like being angry. Its an ugly emotion.

I dont like the way it makes me feel. The anger and then the hurt, and then the anger again. 

And sometimes I get that way when I am up in Ft. Lewis, when I see something and think "she was here" and when the twins are crawling on the ground(Charlie never vaccums I swear) and I find long dark hair that ISNT mine...that just grosses me out. Then I wonder, was that hers or some one elses...and my mind wanders.

I cant help it. I just get so caught up in my anger I stir up other things that probably arent true but I still wonder. He lied to me about her and stuff how do I know what he hasnt told me....

I cant think like this. 

I am reading "Love Dare" and it is an AMAZING book. About love and "how to" love :)

I think a LOT about Charlie while reading it. I love him like the book says...I have always loved him. But the forgiveness part is hard to do. Like a suuuper huge hill trying to ride a bike over with a thousand pounds on the back lol. 

But I can do it, for 3 reasons: I love him, I have faith, and I am strong for my boys.

Im not gonna let an ugly picture ruin my hard work NOPE but..it was a definatley a speed bump. :/

 I love Charlie Ford

Even when I want to punch him out 

;)