Emotions run wild

So I made the mistake..well maybe not the mistake but I watched army wives. UGH one of the most emotional episodes since the episode where Amanda died. I cried. A soldier died…a son of an army wife. I just couldn’t hold it in. Seeing the funeral and the soldier handing her the flag( a nightmare of mine) I just bawled. There was one scene where she tells a friend “He’s gone…my baby boy is gone.” I was holding Bentley just crying.
I also did the dreaded…thought about Charlie. I cant help but think about him when it comes to that. And honestly what hurt..was that if anything ever happened to him when he gets deployed I would…be inconsolable. Honestly and truly. No matter how much we fight and how he drives me completely up the damn wall…I love him more then anyone will ever know or understand.  Not only because we have 4 of the most handsome boys ever in the world..but he has my heart.
We cant predict the future…like but preparedness is the best we can do. I don’t think no matter what you do in life nothing can prepare you for the loss of a loved one..

So tonight as I rocked my baby boys(yes all of my baby boys)
I kissed them on the head and told them how much I loved them.

Homecoming.

So there is a new show coming on tlc(?)

About soldier homecomings.

Im torn by the show. Charlie pretty much ruined it for me.

I am so happy to see soldiers come home, and see how happy their families are but...Im jealous.

I think in my head "why wasn't he like that?"

 "they are so excited, why wasnt he"

"Look how happy the kids are."

Its so sweet...so bittersweet.

I was soooo thrilled to hold my husband again,

to bring him to his new home, with his kids and surrounded by family...

He didnt care.

Is it bad that I feel like that?
I see so many soldiers dying to get home to their wives and children..mine..was happy to be home
Then wanted to go back.

Enough whining.

Welcome home boys!