Not like this...

Sitting here reminiscing on everything. My head is in a daze. My heart is in pain.

I think back about before marriage..the conversations, the hopes, the dreams...then back to reality.
Its NOT supposed to be like this. Im NOT supposed to feel like this.

I was in LOVE...I gave my heart, dedicated my soul to my marriage to the man that I LOVED. I gave him everything...all I wanted in return was him. Thats it...just HIM.

We have 4 beautiful boys who are my ENTIRE world :)
I could not be a luckier mommy! They are adorable, well behaved boys.

But I am missing the biggest part. My LOVE. He never came back..
I think about him back when. He was so wonderful. I was so lucky....

I just want to know what happened. I want to know where it went. Where did it all go..why am I alone. Why am I so upset all the time...Why?

I know that you make your own happiness, its up to me. So Im setting my heart out there..maybe Im being stupid and it could blow up in my face. But thats the happiness I want..thats the happiness WE wanted.

I feel like this is what we need.

What he needs. Stability for all of us. 

A family

A support system 

For another big challenge...

Afghanistan.