I want to start off with the normal…I'm sorry. I'm sorry that we are in this position. I'm sorry I got caught up in all the pain and hurt from you. I have loved you since the first day I saw you on that bus. Something about you glowed to me. More then just your awesome armbands…Little did I know I was looking at my future husband and father of my adorable boys.
Everyone is telling me to let you go..move on..get a life…He did. I know you chat with all of these girls..and probably meet them. It kills me to think that..because deep down inside I think this is what you wanted all along..but wasn’t man enough to come out and say it. Why? I tried my damndest to be the best wife to you that I could be. When you came home and just barked at me like I was a just a soldier from your company I got fed up..can you blame me? You are always going on about how they treat you like shit, and its bullshit all the stuff you have to do…so I felt that way too..but it wasn’t just soldiers in my job it was my husband, my life.
I remember talking with you about marriage..and divorce and how it “could” happen. You always shot those possibilities down… “No. That wont happen to us, Vanessa. I love you. I want to work with you through anything. I don’t want to be like our parents divorced and unhappy. We can work through anything.” So..what the hell happened??? You gave up. You left me and…left. You were never really back here with me. Because I can promise you..my Charlie would never have treated me the way you did. You left me to fend for myself. I did my best, taking care of our adorable son’s and myself while pregnant. Waited for you, to make you as proud as you make me.
Now I lay here…without you. Everyday I wake up to 4 little men who have a lot of their characteristics for example Jaden: Mr. Independent you cant tell him how to do anything, he does it himself, his way. Jaxon: Wild one, always on the move, little dare devil. Bentley: Prince, CONCIEDED flirt! Brayden: Twin. He is spitting image of you.
I know you weren't happy about the pregnancy of the twins..but they are the most amazing things in the world. I have to admit it was super super hard without you. Most hardest time of my life. But I want to look past all of this past year…take it as a learning experience and def. a hard year. I have faith in us…I hope one day you will too.
Sincerely,
Vanessa
P.s. I love you…forever and today
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