Growing up.

I hate it....I hate growing up. I hate adult situations...I hate it all.

I wish we could stay YOUNG FOREVER. I'm not really talking about being a parent..because that is amazing..I mean like growing up losing friends, friends changing, marriages, money situations, people figuring things out...its all such a mess.

Right now I am just down..I hate seeing people change. I hate watching things just go from one thing to something totally different.

I feel like I have stayed the same..I feel like I am still the same girl from 15. I mean I had things that taught me. I grew up in certain ways...but ME like the me inside....is still the little girl that wishes she could play barbies, loves watching kid shows, gets overly excited over backstreet boys and (now) Katy Perry. I feel like the same girl that loves too much, would do anything for my bestest friends and still wants to be a pop star when she grows up ;)

And around me I see people change...maybe that's how its supposed to be...maybe I have changed and I just don't see it...maybe that's what they do to.. Maybe I see their changes but they don't.

Hmmm

Either way it still can suck, and it makes me sad.

Why cant we just be the same......why do people blend..why do people feel like they have to be different. Why do people make us feel like that...why do we feel like we "aren't good enough" No one has self confidence anymore..even me. My husband loves me..tells me everyday how beautiful I am and how much he loves me, hair on top of my head, make up smeared to the high heavens...he still tells me I'm beautiful. I don't believe him...but it makes me feel beautiful. I love him no matter what he looks like...even when we were separated and he was A TOTAL DIFFERENT PERSON. My love never changed...I covered it with the pain...but deep down...still made my heart beat when I saw him.....

I'm like this with everyone...I love them all the same from the very beginning. My buggy boo for instance. She is still the tomboy crazy best friend she has always been. I love her to the end of the earth.....I ALWAYS will. I saw guys make all those promises..I saw (almost) all of them break them. I saw them hurt her and I just didn't understand why they couldn't love the Chloe that I loved..... Why they made her feel like she wasn't "good enough" or "pretty enough" She is perfect. She is amazing...but they always wanted her "different"

Why is this like this...I don't know. I never will but I don't want to ever find out. I am lucky enough that my husband loves me for every single flaw I have...my curves, my love for coke, my huge heart(he says I care WAYYYY tooooo muchh), my ugly frizzy hair, my chubby cheeks(that will never go away), how I cry over everything, my over excitement for the backstreet boys, my love for Disney movies. I never want to change, I never want him to change, I never want Chloe to change..I think they are all perfect JUST THE WAY THEY ARE...you hear me Mallori Anne...this is for you too!

Rant over.....