Been too long.

Whew what a whirlwind of a month. Well Christmas was great, for being sick. I am happy its over.

I miss Charlie like crazy. :( Im still so hurt and frustrated about what happened..and he being gone is like salt in the wounds.

I feel kind of like I have cabin fever. I want to bust out of here and get away for awhile, but I first need the money to do so, and then part of me doesnt want to...I dont want to spend the money ha.
Its so frustrating. I want a home for the kids and I and right now we have it..but it doesnt feel like mine. So much tension and anger and dirty secrets in this house..crawling out of the walls. And with Charlie not being here it doesnt feel right. I miss him so much....

So I am at a crossroad of do I stay....or go.

So frustrating, because now Im not only moving mine and the boys things..but Charlies too.
I am scared to move, I am scared of when Charlie comes home. I want to move home, but I am worried about money and time. Jaden starts school in the fall..so I have to be back and have him all ready for that..and whoo is that a WHOLE new chapter in our lives. Sending my oldest son to Elementary school.

So many things in my head its CRAZY...and then Jaden and Jax have been in this NOT LISTEN to mom days. It doesnt help mommy. :(

Blah Im full of complaints tonight...when is my night off?