Everybody changes...
We know this.
But when it is a physical change..
What do you do?
I found myself flipping through old pics. Looking at my happy Charlie. He was so hot :) It got me to thinking. Wow..he has changed so much..like SO much. And its more then just his personality..looking at our old pics and the new ones..its like 2 different people.
Example: Older happy Charlie
(my fave pic EVER)
Newer...Charlie
Maybe its just me...
I don't see his happiness anymore. Its like gone from his baby blue eyes. Pictures don't do justice, but its not like my readers have really taken a long stare into his big eyes. I don't know..I just don't know.
This next set of words are gonna piss people off..."I miss him" Maybe its the old him I miss..maybe its just him. I cant deny any longer that a big part of my heart is still stuck on him. He is a part of me..a HUGE part of me and the thought of letting go..just walking away just seems impossible. Every time I think of it...I get a knot in my stomach like its not what I'm supposed to do. My heart says NO don't do it...my head gets confused and my gut goes with my heart. How the hell am I supposed to differentiate between the three?
Its hard. My family says well of course you wont just move on he is the father of your 4 kids. Well duh..of course that plays a huge part...but its not just that. I don't know what it is really. Its confusing that's for sure because I am so angry and hurt by all that has gone on..but at the same time I cant let go. Its a war in my brain.
I'm definitely in a damn pickle...
Help?
I totally know how you feel. I am going thru something almost the same with my sons dad. He isn't the person that I once adored an loved more then in this world. It kills me everyday of life. I read this an it put tears in my eyes. I guess it was what I needed to know that I am not alone about whats going on in my life. Thank you Vanessa for letting me know that I am not alone!
ReplyDeleteit ok to miss him. he was your love probably still is theres a part of you that can never stop.
ReplyDeleteI cant let that love for him control me anymore. He dropped me. To me that just shows his love was never real...if it was we would make this work. I as one person can only do so much..and Im at my end.
ReplyDelete