One year

A year ago today I became a mom of twin baby boys. I never knew how different life could be. When I found out I was pregnant Charlie and I were separated, things were really hard. I was hoping the pregnancy would help but it didnt. We separated and I was a single mom.

I went to my first ultrasound at supposedly 9 weeks, and was pretty good sized. As I lay on the table I could see the ultrasound tech's face change. It scared me so bad, I thought she couldnt find my baby. Then she turned the monitor to me and mom and said well...there is one, and  here is two...

Those words will be in my head forever...its like reading the pregnancy test that says pregnant. Your heart races you smile and your mind does flips. This was a huge thing. I wasnt just pregnant, I was pregnant twice with 2 babies. :)

After finding out their were two and making an appointment with an OB I called  Charlie and told him that our BABIES were fine...his voice was so distant....to this day it still hurts. He was in another world...and it took him about 10 min to sound kind of excited.

My pregnancy was hard, things were difficult, and not getting better with Charlie. I worked, I took care of my boys and I tried to fix my marriage. All while carrying 2.

Pregnancy totally took a toll on my body. Taking care of the two big boys and myself. Remembering to eat, feeding the boys, taking pills, missing Charlie, feeling the babies move, going to work. Was my life.

Towards the end my body was worn out. I was on bed rest for weeks. I went to preterm labor and had to be taken by ambulance to the big hospital in case the babies came. Being on bed rest...with 2 babies already SUCKS. I had to remember to stay down and honestly I wasnt good at it.

Finally right after my birthday some bad things happened, and my stress pushed my body over the edge and I went into labor. Being the stubborn girl i was I went to bed. HA. Woke up around 4...feeling if they were contractions or not, then calling my dr at 6. Called my mom to take me to the hospital..by then...they were strong. I was breathing or well trying. I just wanted to get there.

Finally my mom got there at 7 and we rushed to the hospital. By the time we got to the hospital I was in obvious active labor and I couldnt believe how much it could hurt. The nurse tried to hook me up to monitors and the contractions were stronger by the seconds. I was freaking out at this point. My mom rushed to the nurses and told them they had to do something fast. The nurse came back in and checked me. I was 9cm-fully dilated bag of waters coming down. SHE RUSHED out of the room came back with 2 other nurses and the OB. He pulled out the ultra sound and figured out where the babies were. He said he could try and deliver naturally because Bentley was head down.

They put an iv in and rushed me to the OR, I will never forget the crazy sensation to push. The nurse told me to take shallow breaths and it would help...it kinda did. The pain was unbelievable. I had been in labor before but man! Being so huge just whoo... When we got to the OR the OB was putting his gear on and I told the nurse I have to push I have to..she started yelling at the dr she is pushing!!! He hurried over and broke my water not 10 to 15 seconds later Bentley was born SCREAMING.

The nurse pulled my tank top down for skin to skin contact. I remember feeling how tiny he was..and all his hair. The contractions died down a little and I was breathing better, the dr was trying to turn Brayden to deliver him but he was in a laying position with his back to the birth canal. It hurt so bad when they were pushing on my belly. Then his heart did a decel...so the nurse said Ok sweety you are going out so we can deliver baby 2. The last I remember was the blue curtain going up.

I woke up about an hour to 2 hours later in Recovery. I started to cry. The nurse asked if I was ok and I just said..I delivered 2 babies...I missed Charlie...I was in pain...I was tired. I missed my boys...just all hit me at once. Dad came in and I was so happy to see him. He told me that my babies were ok. And he stayed with me even when I needed at stitch.

Now today(well yesterday) Charlie and I together, even through the hard times. We are up in our home, The twins are healthy and happy toddlers. Life is good. I hope to celebrate more happy birthdays :) But I will NEVER forget this birth story.

Happy Birthday my sweet babies.

I love you so much.

You have pulled the strength out in me I never thought I had.