So I guess one more post..wont hurt anything.
The past 2 days have been nuts, I kind of feel like I'm drowning. Don't feel sorry for me, I don't want to be a
But that's hard to do..with family and friends bringing you down.
I didn't really post my family issues on my other blog...I was embarrassed and hurt and most of all speechless.
How could I come up with the words to describe how I felt when I had family close to me telling me they were happy for CHARLIE...that they were happy we were done...for Charlie's sake.
Um..Charlie is the reason we are like this...
How could I face that..how could I accept that..it was like 2 slaps in the face from people that meant the most to me...Charlie and my family. Honestly..it was the most painful pain in the world, even more painful then delivering twins..NATURALLY(well only one). I felt abandoned...top it all off..they said it was me that made it that way.
Wow..way to support family. Way to punch me in the face then kick me when I'm already down. Oh yes. I loved it..because I love the NEGATIVE attention. Yep that's me...
Wrong!
It made me think..do they really not know me that well?? REALLY...and I call them family. WOW.
Anyways enough of that...
This is about strength not weakness.
Going through all of that with them, and then with Charlie and I only getting worse, makes me think of the babies even more. They are the most positive and happy things in my life. They are amazing. They don't know about all of the craziness and I'm happy they don't. I know they sense when I hurt and they sense when I'm tense and I hate it. I don't want them in the middle of this hurricane. They deserve SO much better, and I thrive for that better.
Today I was told I was a bad mom. That my children are destined for a bad life. Why would you stoop so low to bring in the children...?
Drama is drama..words are words...but the kids NEVER should be in the middle.
Hate me fine...that's your deal..but don't ever tell me my kids are destined for a bad life. Mind you..my kids are very well brought up, happy, respectful and POLITE boys :) They are happy, they are well rounded and headed for a great future. No I don't have all the money to buy them whatever on the drop of a hat, but that's not whats important. Whats important is the LOVE and ATTENTION they get. It makes all the difference. I have seen that and that is what has influenced my parenting. I hate the fact that their dad isn't in their lives full time, but that's on him not me. I can only do my best to fill his shoes as much as I can. I hope in the future that will be different but like everything else..time will heal.
On the positive side of EVERYTHING crappy in my life right now...because of all this negativity thrown at me..I'm pushing even harder towards the positive. I have an appt to go back into school and finish my associates in medical assisting. FINALLY a break through. And when its completed..I can pull it out...
BAM!
F*^&k you haters :)
I can do it without them.
With out their support you know why?
Because I'm a mom. I have 4 other lives to live for
4 other lives to thrive for...and make happy.
And that's exactly what I intend to do.
i've been called a bad mom by my family before also, but really its just a way to make them feel better about themselves and the job they did on their children. I only have one son, and can only imagine what it would be like to have 4 (omg), and if I were you I would get rid of everything negative that you possibly can. It will bring your whole family down. If you want to chat directly I would enjoy it, my e-mail is mizetraps@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteThats my goal. Each day I just want to look forward towards the positive things that are going to start happening. I dont need any ones approval. :) Again thanks for reading Anonymous.
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