Ranting, raving..and moving on.

Its been THAT kind of day. The kind of day when if I look at something and it breaks or falls over, if I touch something it spills. Yep...and I am trying to keep it together...trying being the key word.

Some bad stuff has happened and I need to do my best to let it roll..

I almost titled this blog "mommy issues" for two reasons. One my mom is an issue, and two it was equal rights/gay pride day and its hard being a modern christian mom these days.

Start with number one. My mom is an alcoholic. She has been since I was 12. Growing up with it was very hard, my mom basically chose a bottle of booze or beer over her daughters. She would get wasted to be numb...At first it wasnt so bad, she would be drunk after work and I would do my own thing. Then she started being drunk all the time...

How can one numb themselves from their children is beyond me. I hate taking pain medicine when my kids are around. I refuse to be "out of it" when they are around. Any who, it did its damage....self confidence wise, educational wise, everything wise. I withdrew from a lot....too much in my head to be around. I resent her for that.

Since then she has had a few relapses...being caught up in my own life I just kind of shrugged it off. Then she was doing AMAZING. In school, away from her husband(an enabler) and making goals...until one day I guess she decided not to. She was supposed to come up here and spend the week when Jaden didn't have school. She told me that Randee wanted to come up and see her while she was away from my grandma. I agreed because they needed to talk and needed to work stuff out. Things were great.....and then she was drunk. I told her to come get her stuff and stay with him..I didnt want it around my boys. She denied it all..said I was mad for "whatever reason" she knew what she did but even then didn't take responsibility for it. I let her sleep and was going to rip her a new one the next morning because that WAS NOT ok.

Next morning she was even more drunk...she had brought some with her. I found the empty water (thats her disguise) bottles that smelt to the high heavens. I don't have any water bottles in my house..so there was no other way for them to get here unless she brought them. She was passed out in Jaden's bed ALLL day. He was so upset. This blew me up......I wanted her gone..I wanted her out. She brought Momma Bear out and she is mean(I learned). I called my sister...I didn't want to let it blow up....but it did....and to my surprise everyone said they knew it was coming....this made me sad. I thought she was passed it...I thought she had learned enough and hurt enough that she really was done...I trusted her.

Now 2 weeks has gone by...I have nothing to say to her...Im not ready to forgive her...I am still hurt. She thinks..more like doesn't think she did anything. She thinks we should all move on...yea thats what we did in the past...well newsflash I am not a kid anymore and this behavior I will NOT tolerate. Especially around my boys. So she is hashing out all the hurtful things she can think of...like the affair, loving my dad(she has a jealous issue with him) my friendship with T (she has it stuck in her mind its romantic) and I am just DONE. There is no more hurt here...no more drama. That means her too. Like I said..tough love is tough..but enough is enough..time to let go and let God.

Second...equal rights. I kind of got into a debate about it today and the whole legalizing it. Look...Im a lover not a fighter....I am a christian and I believe in God and the bible..but I believe God loves all of his children...and even though in the bible it says he doesn't approve of it. It is confusing. I see God and Jesus as love...I dont see them as scary mean things. I see and feel forgiveness, and not passing judgement. So it was brought up about our children and how it being legalized will effect them. How? If we as parents teach our children about God and Jesus Christ and what is in the bible what does it matter if 2 people want to marry? I want to teach my children to love like Jesus did and forgive like God does. I am not all for gays....it does bother me a little..I dont like seeing it all over and the whole "gay and Im proud" stuff, but people are people and love is love. If 2 people want to have a love like mine and take care of each other why should we shun them? What is making it illegal going to do? They will still do it. They will still be together...it wont change just because the "law" says no. So why not? Why not just give them the rights to love each other and take care of each other like married couple does?

The only thing I am full on against when it comes to politics is abortion. Now that is straight up MURDER and wrong and disgusting...but watching some shows the "christian" (quotes meaning fake) still do it. Legal or not it still happens. DISGUSTING as it is. That cannot be ok..but people wanting to love each other and take care of each other...there is nothing wrong in that.


All right I got about 60% out and now I really need to go finish homework(since most of what I did last night got erased) yep that kind of day....

Lover not a hater. My political RANT.

I have to admit that I hate all this craziness with Obama and stuff. I honestly in my opinion(so you cant scrutinize because its MY opinion) I like Obama....I don't think that he deserves this whole horrible rep that he has.


Because....our government is NOT just one person. Unfortunately he is the front and center man. He gets all the ridicule and honestly I feel bad for hating on Bush sometimes. Maybe he had it the same way. Anyways.

I loved watching the Inauguration(what I saw of it) I hate how everyone cant just ENJOY our country and what we have. Our whole country forgets how much we DO HAVE. Our country has ALOT we have ALOT compared to other countries. We should be thankful to have our freedoms that we do have. The freedom of speech, to live where we want to live, to wear what we want to wear, to have children, to have money, to have homes. To have AMAZING BRAVE men and women that put their lives on the line to protect us. Not only our amazing soldiers but also our police and firemen.

I am just so tired of ALL THE NEGATIVE in society. It makes me SO crazy. We are so spoiled....maybe our country is a big brat.

I can just see it our big country acting like my two year old "I want all my guns, I want all my ammo!! I promise we won't kill anyone, give it back"

Seriously that's how I feel.

Now for my husband and the men and women who serve with him, they are trained with their weapons. They are educated to use their guns and ammo, just like a dr is trained to use his scalpel. We cant guarantee that all soldiers will take their education and use it for good, same with the dr.

Ugh its just so frustrating. I hear on a daily basis both sides to the gun thing. I agree with both parts in SOME ways.

WHY do civilians need so much weapons and ammo...what the hell for? I mean I understand protecting our families and other civilians but why do you need SO MUCH to do so? I also wonder about how the criminals get SO MUCH ammo. Is it because it is available to the public/civilians? If that is the case...I totally understand why the ban is being put in place. I mean I know that criminals are not going to stop breaking the law but if we can make it harder for them to do so at least its worth the shot. Unfortunately its going to limit the good guys...and that also makes me sad. Like I mentioned before with my husband and the men and women who serve with him...maybe with their extra training can have different options?? I don't know...

The way it looks in my mind..is like this. The other day our sons totally emptied our dvds, blu rays and videos from the shelves in our living room. We were joking about how this is why we cant have nice things, our little ones are destructive. I feel like that would be the criminals. We civilians/good people have to be limited because of all the damn criminals. They mess it up so we cant have nice things (or in other words more freedoms) Look at how we now have to have our receipts checked at the walmart or Costco...because of the theft rate. Look at how now Clackamas town center has to have all of those metal detectors, criminals. Look at how to apply for just a little state help all the hoops you have to jump through. DAMN CRIMINALS!

See here you all sit blaming the President for all of this chaos...well maybe you should blame yourself, or in better terms OUR SOCIETY. The people who are "too busy" to teach our children. All the damn drugs, and CRIMINALS. That's what we need to focus on here. We need to do better with them and handling all those POS's. They are the reason we get regulated in the first place.

One of my favorite quotes or I guess sayings I have seen that supports Gays

"Why hate on all the Gay people? You should blame STRAIGHT PEOPLE they are the ones that keep having Gay children."
 I cant think of a way to make ^^ to my rant :(

"Why hate all of the rules? Maybe we should hate ourselves(our society) WE are the ones that keep making all the CRIMINALS!!"

Hell I don't know LOL.

Ok My rant is over. Im not looking for an argument or a debate...this is just the inside mind and opinion from a housewife...of an amazing Army man.

Why cant we all just love each other??

Back to school!

OMG, this has happened so fast I am still in shock.

Yesterday, Charlie and I were sorting out bills. Now that he is back from deployment our pay goes down. So we were sorting out life. I felt horrible because I cant really work, day care bills would consume all of our "extra" money. So I thought about watching kids at home, and getting certified to do so through the FCC here on post. While driving to get that application, I got to thinking about school. Ultimately I want to go back to school for Nursing...well right now OBVIOUSLY is not the time to do that plus all of my prereqs I would need to get to yea even get considered.

So my mind wandered to billing and coding, I have a friend that does it. I remember brushing up on it while in medical assisting school and let me tell you....NO THANKS. Like my mom said it is very tedious. Looking up insurance codes and billing...yea no thanks. Very boring, and time consuming and NUMBERS!!

But, if I could make money doing it from home...why not? Its better then nothing. So I looked into it. As I was looking I saw this thing called Medical Transcription Editor. I have never seen it before honestly. So I started reading the description...WAY better then codes! Basically I listen to doctor recordings about patient care and transcribe them into text for medical records.

2 things here that stood out.
Listen
and
Type

I do that on a daily basis anyways(it drives me nuts when people are slow to type, sorry mom) so I listen and type for family. HA job doing that. YES PLEASE. Also the editor part is a bonus. With new technology there are instruments that do the transcribing but as an editor, I read those edits and correct them :D. I can totally do this!

Then I was reading a vast majority of MTE(Medical Transcription Editor) WORK FROM HOME. Thats it I was sold!

So I went to my MyCAA scholarship(thank you Us Government) and they approved of my school Career Step, and COVERED the WHOLE tuition for this class. BLESSING. So I got all registered, I officially start the 24th but I was approved so fast, and being an online open classes I could start today...and I did :)

I am SO EXCITED to be going back to school and doing something for myself and my family. Its not my forever career...but its definitely a start in the right direction :)

I cant wait to start out this year in school, bettering myself, and building a future for our family :) :)

Growing up.

I hate it....I hate growing up. I hate adult situations...I hate it all.

I wish we could stay YOUNG FOREVER. I'm not really talking about being a parent..because that is amazing..I mean like growing up losing friends, friends changing, marriages, money situations, people figuring things out...its all such a mess.

Right now I am just down..I hate seeing people change. I hate watching things just go from one thing to something totally different.

I feel like I have stayed the same..I feel like I am still the same girl from 15. I mean I had things that taught me. I grew up in certain ways...but ME like the me inside....is still the little girl that wishes she could play barbies, loves watching kid shows, gets overly excited over backstreet boys and (now) Katy Perry. I feel like the same girl that loves too much, would do anything for my bestest friends and still wants to be a pop star when she grows up ;)

And around me I see people change...maybe that's how its supposed to be...maybe I have changed and I just don't see it...maybe that's what they do to.. Maybe I see their changes but they don't.

Hmmm

Either way it still can suck, and it makes me sad.

Why cant we just be the same......why do people blend..why do people feel like they have to be different. Why do people make us feel like that...why do we feel like we "aren't good enough" No one has self confidence anymore..even me. My husband loves me..tells me everyday how beautiful I am and how much he loves me, hair on top of my head, make up smeared to the high heavens...he still tells me I'm beautiful. I don't believe him...but it makes me feel beautiful. I love him no matter what he looks like...even when we were separated and he was A TOTAL DIFFERENT PERSON. My love never changed...I covered it with the pain...but deep down...still made my heart beat when I saw him.....

I'm like this with everyone...I love them all the same from the very beginning. My buggy boo for instance. She is still the tomboy crazy best friend she has always been. I love her to the end of the earth.....I ALWAYS will. I saw guys make all those promises..I saw (almost) all of them break them. I saw them hurt her and I just didn't understand why they couldn't love the Chloe that I loved..... Why they made her feel like she wasn't "good enough" or "pretty enough" She is perfect. She is amazing...but they always wanted her "different"

Why is this like this...I don't know. I never will but I don't want to ever find out. I am lucky enough that my husband loves me for every single flaw I have...my curves, my love for coke, my huge heart(he says I care WAYYYY tooooo muchh), my ugly frizzy hair, my chubby cheeks(that will never go away), how I cry over everything, my over excitement for the backstreet boys, my love for Disney movies. I never want to change, I never want him to change, I never want Chloe to change..I think they are all perfect JUST THE WAY THEY ARE...you hear me Mallori Anne...this is for you too!

Rant over.....

Chapter 2013. Page 1

Here we go.

2013

WOW. So far SO AMAZING. I rang in the new year with my baby brother, my husband and amazing kids. It was mellow but perfect. We had little smokies and just chilled. Played dance central and got my butt kicked. It was perfect just for me :)

I am so happy 2012 is over. It was time. Time to start fresh and new. So happy to be here with my family and my husband. This is exactly how it should be. We are doing so well. I am SOOO proud of US. We are happy and working together its how it always how it should of been just took some time to figure it out, but I am so happy that we made it.

Now for the future...that is just starting. 

I was so happy to be with my baby brother, I cant get over it. I never want to lose touch again. He is such an awesome kid(he always has been) I am so proud of him(not that I was ever worried his mom is awesome too) I was so happy that we were able to be together and be with our dad.. Some things could have gone a little better but hey it was a first visit. 

Hopefully many more in the future(that is a new years resolution.) 

Also another resolution(or goal) is to keep our family moving in this direction, to keep getting better. 

Happy New Year everyone :) 

Happy Holidays

Whew what a busy last few weeks!

Christmas was amazing. For once we stayed home and just relaxed ALL DAY. It was different, we missed our families but at the same time we were just happy to be together as a family.

Santa came and brought some good stuff for some good boys! It was so sweet getting the boys all ready for bed and tucking them in then in the morning having them come down stairs and see what Santa had brought them. :)

It was a great day.

I made my first Christmas dinner. We had a  big brunch. The boys(including daddy) hung out in their undies just CHILLIN :) It was so sweet. We played Battleship and just had a great day.

I hope everyone had a good holiday!

He's HOME!

I know I know, I am a TERRIBLE blogger.

Anyways its over. The deployment is actually over. HOOORRAYY!

The boys and I have been enjoying our daddy/husband home. The boys are so much more  content. As in no crazy brutal messes or fights. We have been relaxing watching movies and just enjoying being a whole family!

Its been long overdue for sure.

Now for the fun. I have pictures of this amazing event!

I was so happy my Grandparents, Mother and Father-in-law and mom could be here for this amazing day. It really was better then Christmas seeing my husband walk through those doors, being surrounded by my friends and family. WOW. It takes your breath away when all of those men and women walk through the door.

SO special! So here is some of this amazingness!

Making posters for Daddy. 

 Walking off the plane!

 Grandma, Mom, Me and Nancy :)

 The boys getting anxious!

 WHOO anytime now!

 Here he is! With his Mom and Papa

Waited a whole year! Finally with my husband :):):)

This was such an amazing experience! I loved every second of it, and so happy to finally be reunited with my amazing husband, and to see all of my friends finally with their husbands. All of the children finally with their fathers.  

So amazing.